My girlfriend and I were thinking the other day about how my new dog, Sandy, is kinda like a crazy ex-girlfriend 
- He sneaks into my bed while I’m asleep
- He wants to be around me all the time
- If I leave him alone, he cries
- If I ignore him when he’s being loud, he just gets louder-and-louder
- I wake up to him licking my toes
- He drinks my bath-water
- He goes through my garbage
- He pulls my used tissues out of the garbage and hides them places
- He sleeps in my clothing
- He likes to sniff my dirty laundry
- If I leave him alone, he’ll tear up my stuff
- He cockblocks my current girlfriend
- He won’t let me go out with my friends
- …and if I do go out, he screams and cries until I get home (and pees on everything)
- He hides in my house then jumps out at me
…and best of all, he’ll probably be like this for at least another year or 2 before he gets bored with you.
And now he may have stolen your credit card?